Gears of War 2: Summer 2008?

[Rs0n1sT]

Three extrasensory professionals reveal the big games of 08. Seriously

Each and every New Year, members of the gaming press begin tripping over themselves in hopes of predicting the big things in the coming dozen. Be it right, wrong, vague or obvious - you're sick of reading them, we're sick of reading them. So in one fell swoop, GamesRadar has told every other aspiring '08 Nostradamus to suck it long, and suck it hard: We got psychics.

Ignoring the tired tradition of basing predictions on facts, intuition or consulting with experts, we went to three bonafide, honest-to-God clairvoyants to deliver you The Truth about what's in store for 2008. Super market tabloids do it. Even the cops have been known to refer to a medium once the corpse-sniffing dog shits the bed. And we're proud to declare it just as applicable to our goofy little Business of Game.

First we visited Ann Ronzo, Bay Area psychic. She assured us she was "not a gamer," but it'd be hard to tell that based on her predictions. So, behold: the newly christened Official Paranormal Consultant of GamesRadar. WARNING: Some of her visions may amaze you. Or confuse you. Whatever - check back with us in December.



Above: Actual location, fictional patronage

After laying out a series of Tarot cards, Ann Ronzo begins the reading:

"Seven out of ten games you’re rooting for will actually be successful and prosperous... in high demand.

"The market is going to see a complete turnaround... Things that people have liked for the last couple of years are going to be changing dramatically. Right now, the war games are very popular – fighting, the machine guns, and the killing of things – this is going to start going away. I don't see continuous high demand. They will take a bit of a nosedive. I see some new games coming out connected to this, but I don't see them being very successful.

"I see a lot of hype behind them, games connected to army and fighting, but I don't see them turning our successful or in high demand."

GR: So like Army of Two? Halo Wars?
AR: Those don't ring a bell. Bringing out more games connecting to the old: Vintage. Anything connected to Mario is very positive. Mario Tetris, Pac-Man, etc. Vintage games people used to play long ago.

GR: Super Smash Bros Brawl?
AR: It'll be good. The energy around that one is definitely ringing a bell. Do you have any other specific titles?

GR: Yes! Metal Gear Solid 4?
AR: This a fighting game, an army game, once again. There's always someone who wants to play it, but I don't see it as a big success.

GR: Do you see it exclusive to a single system?
AR: Yes. I don't see it as something that will be spread out a lot, and that's why it probably won't be as popular.

GR: When do you see it?
AR: This will be at the end of this year, possibly spilling over into next year. At the earliest, September or November. At the earliest. Right now I see the main game console as the... Xbox. The Xbox 360. I see everyone heading towards those.

And a while ago back I see that it was going to be towards the Wii. I feel like there's going to be something new coming out as far as new technology. A new gaming technology, but not this year. Have you heard anything about a new console coming out?

GR: No.
AR: Something is going to be coming out around 2009. But I don't see it as a game system...

GR: Do you see it as something portable?
AR: Were they planning on making a new PS-something?

GR: That's likely, but we haven't heard anything.
AR: That's what shows up. And it looks to be positive.

GR: Gears of War 2?
AR: That'll be good. That's actually a war game too, but that'll be good.

GR: Do you see a release date on that?
AR: That'll be within the next couple months. That'll be summertime. Although that's a fighting war game... it'll be a good one.

GR: Xbox Live is experiencing a lot of hiccups right now. When do you see that getting better?
AR: Xbox Live, I don't see that as a bad thing. But I see some of the technology behind the internet services. The internet connection is what's giving it a hard time. There's a glitch in the internet connections. People are playing these games and getting cut off and getting disconnected.

GR: So it's not the infrastructure being strained?
AR: No.

GR: Spore?
AR: I don't see it being good.

GR: Do you see a new Zelda game?
AR: Zelda, yes. Zelda, will be good.

GR: So you see one on the horizon that we aren't aware of?
AR: Yes.

GR: Do you see it taking a more cel-shaded, Wind Waker style, or something closer to Twilight Princess?
AR: Not 3-D, but all these new graphics are very intense. Like Pixar, like that animation. It'll be up to date. All these old games are going to be coming back out. All these old games are going to get really popular again. It'll be something that is up to date. The Xbox 360 is going to be really, really successful. And it's going to stay successful for a while.

GR: Well, what can you tell me about the PS3?
AR: I feel that's connected to Sony. That's going to be real good, too.

GR: Do you see a winner of the console wars?
AR: Right now, the 360 looks like it's taking the lead, it looks like. The Wii is in high demand, but not a lot of people can get their hands on it. That's the problem with the Wii.

GR: Is there any end to the shortages?
AR: It doesn't look like it. It looks like that shortage is going to continue. It might be something Nintendo is doing to create more of a demand for their games, so they can continue selling it.

GR: Do you think they are manufacturing a demand like this?
AR: Yeah. I think so. Something to do with the marketing. Whether it has to do with now or five years from now people are going to be trying to get their hands on it. Videogames don't last very long. There was Playstation 1, then Playstation 2. With the way that Nintendo is messing with this Wii, they're keeping it unavailable, though everybody still wants one. That will still be successful. But the #1 will still be Xbox.

GR: BioShock? It seemed to have a finite ending. But we're hearing talks about another one. What do you see regarding a new game?
AR: I don't see anything.

GR: Do you see anything involving Rapture, or a man named Andrew Ryan?
AR: No.

GR: So not in 2008? Or a prequel?
AR: I see them pitching ideas, attempting something, but I don't see it being successful. I don't think that the first one was successful.

GR: Do you see anything as far as Portal is concerned?
AR: They should already have something out like this now, don't they?

GR: They do, but it’s a very short game.
AR: That'll actually start in the summertime. Summertime is going to be a big break for all these video games.

GR: A big break?
AR: Is this normally when the videogames come out? I would think it would be Christmas. But for some reason I see all these changes, all these opportunities in summertime. At the earliest, May. May is going to be the start of big things.

GR: What do you see as far as HD DVD and Blu-ray?
AR: Blu-Ray is going to be huge. Anything else is going to be obsolete and excluded. Just as when the DVD came out, no one went back to VHS... Blu-Ray's going to be the new thing in 2008.

GR: So HD DVD - how long do you see that format hanging around?
AR: I see it being strong. There's a lot of changes in TVs is well.

GR: Do you see anything in the works with a DVR integrated into the PS3 and 360?
AR: They should already have something like that in the works, don't they? That'll be very successful.

GR: Can you give us an indication as to when these will come out?
AR: I see more of this coming out towards the end of the year. But I don't see that happening until the new year. 2009.

GR: What’s in the future for Nintendo DS?
The Nintendo DS... there’s going to be a big change. They’re adding a new feature to it. Maybe a smaller, sleeker game... I don’t see it in very big demand. Sony’s portable is going to be the big thing. The DS is the big thing now?

GR: Yes.
It’s going to be making a turnaround to the Sony. Sony’s going to have different, or better, and more accessible games.

GR: What do you see for PSP?
They’ll go back to killing games, and possibly those vintage games I mentioned earlier.

GR: How long do you think the Wii will be successful?
The Wii is going to stay in high demand. I do know it’s going to stick around for a while.

GR: How about the PS2?
AR: That’s not going to stay around. That’s not even in demand – people don’t even play their PS2s anymore. They don’t have a lot of games for it. Not any of the good ones, anyway. Sports games are coming back, too. A couple years ago, they went away, now they’ll come back really strongly.

GR: Do you see more than one NFL football game?
AR: Yes. Sports games. Things connected to Tiger Woods and basketball will be very big too.

GR: Can you see who will grace the Madden cover, or succumb to its persistent curse?
AR: No.
The Wii has created a movement with the remote that picks up on the TV. Maybe a glove or something connected to the movement of what you’re doing. Maybe even a console that has a projection of some sort. A lot of new technology that we’ve never thought about. The game industry is going to be turned around and I don’t think the game industry is going to die out.

GR: So you see the industry getting stronger?
AR: Mm Hmm.

GR: Is there any chance Halo will appear on another system?
AR: Maybe on Xbox Live, it’ll get played a lot more. But on its own, I don’t see it being a big success. But like I said, the internet is messed up. Not the way people connect to the internet. It could be the way the system hooks up to it; the way it pairs. It’s not the way your home hooks up to it, it’s in the system. Not the game itself.

GR: When do you see that being fixed?
AR: Not right now. I don’t even see them working on it right now. I think they’re still trying to discover what the problem is.

GR: There’s a class-action lawsuit against Microsoft right now. How do you think that’ll come out?
AR: It’ll probably wind up against them. But they’re such a s strong corporation it won’t really hurt them.

GR: What about a new 360 model?
AR: It’s a possibility. I don’t see it in much demand.

GR: Do you see an end to the Red Rings of Death?
AR: There’s always going to be technical malfunctions with it. I don’t think that it’ll stop demand.

GR: Do you see any new area of motion control for the 360?
AR: That could be the glove or a different remote. Something is going to come out.

GR: Do you see Duke Nukem this year?
AR: No, I can’t pick up on it.

GR: So not this year?
AR: No.

GR: You think we’ll see a higher quality of games on the Wii? Or will we see even more minigame compilations?
AR: Like I said, I see it staying strong with a lot of new stuff.

GR: Better games? Better third party support?
AR: I see a lot of games you can buy with one little thing. There’s going to be a lot of good games coming out. It’ll stay in high demand.

GR: The PS3 has been struggling with exclusives to sell its system.
AR: I know they have something to do with its portable thing

GR: You mean Blu-ray movie connectivity?
AR: That’s going to be really good. I told you that handheld thing is going to be huge. You said that the Nintendo handheld is bigger?

GR: Far and away.
AR: It’s going to be turning around, and that makes a lot of sense on why and how.

GR: Will we see Crysis on any other system?
AR: No. That’s going to stay where it is.

GR: Any release date for Okami on the Wii?
AR: I’m seeing summertime.

GR: StarCraft 2?
AR: The name sounds cool, but I’m not getting any shifts from it in 2008.
-FIN-
2008 Synopsis: Metal Gear Solid 4 in the fall, exclusively on PS3. BioShock and Spore will suck. New Zelda. 360 rules, but so does Blu-ray. Nintendo manufactures own console shortage. Microsoft won’t fix Live. Gears of War 2, more Portal, and Okami on the Wii this summer. The DS will fall to PSP. Crysis stays on PC. No StarCraft 2. And of course, Nukem’s a no show.

[Rs0n1sT]

To keep things fair and balanced, we consulted with more than one visionary. It took some convincing, but after an almost inappropriate amount of kneeling, we landed effing Zoltar! Famous for enlarging Tom Hanks, he had plenty of good fortune to dispense towards our favorite gaming platforms. Although Zoltar had a strange tendency to refer to every inanimate console as a "man" his predictions are no less prophetic. Read on, if you dare.
DS:
Zoltar warns about the balance time between work and friends. But with the absurd success the portable is seeing, we'd be surprised if they can still discern who their friends are perched way up on that volcano of cash insiders have taken to calling Mt. Revenue. It's like Puff says: Mo' Money corresponds to an exponential magnitude of dilemma. (paraphrasing)
We mean no offense to the robotic swami, but we may take issue with the troubling passage likening the DS to a "tree whose branches are numerous but whose roots are few," since Nintendo's about their roots if they’re about anything. But the line concerning being of humble standing, as opposed to a great person who "lacks food on the table" resonates strongly as clear plea for more Cooking Mama.


PC:
Unexpected Wealth? We hope this is in regard to the quality and or content of games. Consoles expect to lose money, not PCs, and they rarely do. Given the alledged "Hits" that populate Wal-Mart shelves, wouldn't it be safe to assume the PC defecates money?
Even tiny developers churning out their 27th iteration of an Algebra-based shooter, or games based entirely the repetitive slaughter of ugly, polygonal deer seem to be doing just dandy. Perhaps "Unexpected Wealth" is more of a warning, foreseeing a step down from "Vault-Choking Affluence."






PS3:
The Playstation 3 received a somewhat humbling diagnosis, espousing calming aphorisms like "A mountain is composed of tiny grains of sand." As if to say, "relax, PS3, shhhh… no one stays #1 forever." After all, aren't we all just tiny balls of electrons trying to get through this crazy boss stage called life?
Not exactly, but Zoltar also calls for patience in the uphill struggle to regain the console superiority. Rome wasn't built in a day, so it may take a while before Kratos can tear it all down and sodomize the ashes.






PSP:
"To move the world, you must move yourself." Well, as a portable, the PSP's half way there. It also stresses the timeliness of starting a new project, and we couldn’t agree more. In fact, we can't think of a better example than the recently announced Blu-ray movie playback.
We all want to see the movies we own on our PSPs, right? "Power does not come of sheer force" perfectly encapsulates the sentiment that legal threats and weekly firmware updates may not be the best way to deal with an enthusiastic homebrew community wanting to do just that.






Xbox 360:
You gotta hand it to Zoltar. He seems to have Microsoft's system nailed, beckoning for level-headedness in the face of success. He also cautions to avoid cockiness, and to maintain a "proper attention to one's duties." Anyone who's suffered a Red Ring of Death is probably on their feet in full applause.
It also mentions emerging from a "recent fog." Obviously that's a reference to the 800-pound gorilla currently sitting on Xbox Live, but at least it forecasts an end. But peep the bottom for the most interesting tidbit: You will also find time after business for friends and/or lovers. Atta boy, 360! We always knew you had multiple-partner potential. And we're glad we don't have to by you a whore like we did for your younger brother.



Wii:
This one is rather hard to read. It would seem to advocate a trip of some kind, but a nation of gamers waking to find their Wiis on vacation is not a future we quite ready to embrace. Maybe everybody at Nintendo will go on an indefinite hiatus, and some lucky company, like Sega or Hudson, will once again get the chance to steer at a console's helm.
But where would Wii go? Where doesn’t it have a presence? Most would agree a trip to Iraq would be ill advised, and places like a Brazilian rain forest or Antarctica could never experience the unrestrained majesty of the Mii Channel. "A busy idleness possesses you" can only be attributed to Nintendo's advertising department. It's gotta be difficult to market something most people can't actually buy.

[Rs0n1sT]

Oh, mystical wonder. Oh, onyx orb of omniscience. Behold the Magic 8 Ball. Scoff not, for the 8 Ball predicts the future with startling accuracy. And the ball knows his shit, too, cause he spent the last four years freelancing reviews at IGN.

We’ve treated The Ball’s predictions with the utmost sincerity, taking care to ask a question once, never tampering with the results, and allowing ample time to answer as accurately as possible. In italics you’ll find our follow-up commentary, which it should be noted are not the opinions expressed by the Magic 8 Ball, nor its overlords at Mattel.



GamesRadar: Will Rare’s stable of Nintendo games appear on the Virtual Console?

(8): YES
Can't argue with the 8-ball, Rare. Suck it up and tell Microsoft where to stick it. We need our Blast Corps and Cobra Triangle.

GR: Any chance Medal of Honor will pull a Call of Duty and get with the times?
(8): CANNOT PREDICT NOW

GR: *pees* How 'bout now?
(8): YOU MAY RELY ON IT
Word! Medal of Honor: Baghdad, here we come!

GR: Will Metal Gear Solid 4 actually be released this June?
(8): VERY DOUBTFUL
OK... it's not like you to lie to us, 8-Bally.

GR: Will MGS4 see a 360 release this year?
(8): CANNOT PREDICT NOW

GR: We understand. Take your time.
(8): YOU MAY RELY ON IT
Eat it, fanboys.

GR: Can Mario Kart on the Wii offer a lag-free online experience?
(8): VERY DOUBTFUL
Too bad, lag and racing games go together like kittens and caramel.

GR: Is there any end to the Red Rings of Death?
(8): ASK AGAIN LATER

GR: [Pauses briefly. Leans in, asks again]
(8): IT IS DECIDEDLY SO
We can already hear the champagne corks a-poppin' at the House of Gates.

GR: To stay ahead of the game, will Nintendo release a handheld with a third screen?
(8): WITHOUT A DOUBT
The Nintendo TS, featuring the screen you can smell.

GR: Will Duke Nukem see the light of day in 2008?
(8): MY SOURCES SAY NO
Funny, ours do too.

GR: Will the PSP receive the Ultimate, Super Definitive, Mega-Mega firmware update to end all firmware updates?
(8): OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD
Good news for homebrewers. Keeps 'em on their toes.

GR: Will the Kane and Lynch movie continue into production?
(8): YES

GR: So, could a negative movie review lead to the firing of Gene Shalit?
(8): YES
Gasp! Luckily, he's got a look that never goes out of style.

GR: Will Manhunt 2 see release in the UK, or will the stick remain fully lodged up the Empire's ass?
(8): OUTLOOK GOOD
Huzzah! Indecipherable kills and cruddy stealth shall be known across the pond.

GR: After spending much of 2007 trampling the hearts of millions, will the Companion Cube finally settle down this year?
(8): WITHOUT A DOUBT
Good for… it?

GR: Is it possible that the Xbox Live Marketplace Point will make a move against the American Dollar?
(8): IT IS DECIDEDLY SO
Call my accountant!

GR: 2007 saw an avalanche of titles purporting to train, fortify and enhance the brain. As a psychic, should we fear a hyper-intelligent race of super-telekinetic humans?
(8): SIGNS POINT TO YES

GR: Good Heavens! Will our DS also become sentient?
(8) YES
Something about how bluntly that was put send chills down our spine.

GR: Is this the year the Madden franchise finally takes a break?
(8): YES DEFINITELY
Weird. Looks like 2008 is all All-Pro.

GR: A creepy Xbox Live dweller was recently arrested for stalking, stemming from an encounter in Halo 3. Is 2008 the year of the Mii sexual predator?
(8): WITHOUT A DOUBT
Parents: Be on the lookout for aborable old men in windowless vans.

GR: Last year saw a metric ass-ton of PS2 games ported to Wii. Any chance Nintendo’s system will see a shift toward more PS3 ports?
(8): MY REPLY IS NO
Rats. We had our hearts set on Heavenly Sword: Swords.

Where would be the best place to "run into" Jade Raymond?
(8): CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN
Our bosses won't let us!

[DUMBOUT]

Cant Wait To Play G.o.w 2 The First 1 Was Hardbody

[ProGame$tyle]

[BWS Soldier]

MGS4 will be better than Halo 3, thats my prediction.

[kharmon]

Originally Posted by BWS Soldier

MGS4 will be better than Halo 3, thats my prediction.

Its not hard to be better then halo quality wise though isit.

[El_Mystico]

damn this is crazy