Zombie Outbreak Preparation [MUST READ!!]

[Ed Dakota]

This guide I've come across attributes the zombie outbreaks described to a virus known as "Solanum". The disease was first recorded by Jan Vanderhaven, while traveling through South America. He described people who were infected with the disease as showing festering sores, mottled skin, and decomposing flesh. He also said they show no rational thought or recognition of anything familiar to them. They neither sleep nor drink water, and reject any food beside living prey, snapping at all who pass. A hospital orderly threw a living rat at an infected individual, who then consumed it whole.

Solanum is described as working by traveling through the bloodstream from the point of entry to the brain, where the virus replicates all cells in the frontal lobe, while destroying them. All bodily functions cease during this period, including respiration and heartbeat. The infected individual eventually is in a coma during this period and awakens as a zombie. The zombie will not need air, food, water, or even a heart to live. Their one and only goal will be to find and infect other individuals and the only way to stop that is to destroy the brain or remove the head. If the zombie is decapitated, the head still remains a threat.

The symptoms occur in this order. The timeline may be several hours off, depending on the size, number and location of the bites, and the composition of the victim.

Hour 1- Pain and discoloration of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound.

Hour 5- Fever between 99 F. and 103 F. Chills, slight dementia, vomiting, and acute pain in the joints.

Hour 8- Numbing of extremities and infected area, increased fever from 103 F to 106 F. increased dementia, loss of muscular coordination

Hour 11- Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness, slowed heart rate

Hour 16- Coma

Hour 20- Heart stoppage, zero brain activity

Hour 23- Reanimation

Solanum is 100% communicable and 100% fatal. Contact with infected blood or saliva always result in infection. Ingestion of infected flesh results in permanent death unless the victim has open mouth sores. Solanum is fatal to any and all creatures, however humans are the only ones who will reanimate. Parasitic insects such as mosquitoes reject infected hosts 100% of the time. All animals will instinctively run, swim or fly away from zombies.

[Ed Dakota]

Survival Tips....
1.If it’s a zombie infestation, the cops, firemen, and ambulance men will all be rather busy, or dead. When the first zombies are seen, the police will take them to hospitals. Do not lock yourself in your apartment and wait for the police to save you. Do not cooperate with the authorities. They know nothing about zombies, as they believe that zombies are a myth.

2. You do not want to face zombies and be unarmed, even if they are not so smart or quick or powerful, they will be too dangerous to fight bare handed. Firearms are good, but you should also have some side weapons you can use if you run out of bullets, or if they get too close. Anything’s good: knives, swords, axes or even poleaxes if you know how to use one properly. Blunt weapons are also good, but you must wear protection goggles and a mask, or something to protect your face from the splash.

3. You must try to protect your body as much as you can, especially the neck, arms and legs. These are the most exposed parts to bite. You can find lots of body armor from army surplus shops, or even martial arts and hunting shops. Jeans also offer good protection from bites.

[Ed Dakota]

4. If the zombie infestation caught you in a big town, you must leave immediately. It’s one thing to face 10 zombies, but another thing to face 10000 zombies. Best thing is to go to the country. Farms are quite easy to defend, and the open spaces won’t let you get caught by surprise.

5. Gather as many supplies as you can. Everything from bottled water to gas - you will need it. And it won’t be hard to do it…if everyone’s dead it won’t be stealing! Best thing is to get a truck and start looting the largest stores in the area. Don’t go into big towns, and don’t start looting until you are 100% sure there will be a zombie attack! You don’t want the authorities to stop the attack, nor do you want to end up in jail for looting.

6. Some barbed wire and a whole bunch of gas filled bottles can do wonders when defending your resort from a zombie attack. Also, alarms are a very good idea. You can make them yourself (some cans and pots on a wire) or get a real one, motion sensors and everything (see number 5 for looting tips - Gas and Generator required).

7. After you have enough supplies, and your home and the surroundings are safe, you should start searching for survivors. Even if you are the only one of your group still alive, you’ll end up going mad if you remain alone. Start with the small towns around you. It will be quite easy if you have a zombie proof car. Just go to the town limits and honk. If zombies are there, they will head in your direction and you can just leave; alternatively you will recognize the survivors and can form a group. Safety in numbers!

[King_Boo_Joo]

where u get this from??

[Ed Dakota]

wikipedia...its easy to find bullshit at 5:45 tryna stay awake at work

[Lo$o]

wowwwwwwwww....

[Ed Dakota]

this shit gonna be hella vital around 2012...wait n see...

[Ed Dakota]

Zombie Survival Kit

The first and arguably most important step in surviving a zombie outbreak is to create a Zombie Survival Kit (ZSK) which will at least give you a chance of living through the hellish, and moan filled nightmare of a zombie attack. ZSKs come in a variety of different sorts, from the advanced Mass Zombie Extermination kit to the Save Yourself And No One Else kit, and are available from your local supermarket or hardware store. You can also use the much reliable Zombie Survival Guide that can be found at any local Barnes n Noble. This section though, will deal with the steps taken to create your own Household Survival Kit out of the following easy to acquire items.

* The first item to acquire is one of self defense; a shotgun. Shotguns (preferably pump-action) are frequently used in Zombie Survival situations as their signature explosive sound and large blast radius can easily stop, or at least slow down, the advancing zombies in their shambling tracks, giving you that much needed extra time to make your way to your Zombie Shelter.
* The second item is a Club, Staff, or in fact any blunt weapon, such as a mace, as they infer a +50% damage to Undead, which comes in handy when your shotgun is out of ammunition or otherwise unusable. It is suggested that you acquire a 6 socketed Maul and fill it with perfect Diamonds, as they add extra Undead damage. Note that a maul will require 50 strength and 50 attack to use and is two-handed, but it will give its wielder the power to easily crush any Zombies who may penetrate their Zombie Shelter with crushing efficiency, which any healthy zombie-hating (living) person will enjoy. Charsi, in the Rogue Encampment, sells Mauls for a reasonable price, they may also be found by killing the minions of hell.

* The third item to acquire is a stock of Human Brains; these come in handy when you wish to escape a concentrated Zombie Cloud (term used to describe a pack of zombies). The art of Brain Tossing is a long and honored one, with roots going back to the Olympic Games in Ancient Canada and will not be discussed in any great detail here, save for three of the basic techniques:

Tossing.
Tossing.

1. The underarm throw; the brain is grasped firmly in the preferred hand, with the other hand pointing in the direction you wish the Zombie Cloud to go, the body is also angled in this direction. Once this position has been achieved simply step forward with the leg that is positioned to the rear while bringing the brain hand forward in a rapid motion, releasing the brain at a suitable position. If done correctly the brain will fly straight and true, thus distracting the zombies.When tossing a brain, make sure you "show" the brain to the zombies, A thrown brain is useless if it's not seen by zombies.
2. The over arm throw; uses the same basic principles as the underarm throw except the brain is held in a position above and behind the shoulder and the throwing arc angles upwards rather than down, the over arm throw can also fling the brain a greater distance and with greater force.
3. The brain-ball; the brain is grasped in the hand and is thrown towards the ground at an approximately 45° angle, the intent being to use the brain’s natural spring to propel it over the heads of the oncoming zombies. If you have ever seen or played a game of Hand Ball you will be already have a good idea of the physics and theories behind Brain Balling.

Brains can be easily acquired from the recently/soon to be deceased and in the garbage bins of Evil Geniuses. If you are unable to acquire a brain this way Spam can be used as a substitute, as Spam is made using the brains of the homeless, door-to-door salesmen and American Presidents.

* The fourth item to acquire is the ever-useful fire extinguisher; as it is a known fact that whenever a zombie outbreak occurs the surrounding area is covered in spontaneous fires and, in some cases, cheap spark effects. Fire extinguishers can be easily bought at a local hardware store or “borrowed” from a local hospital, preferable while in the process of lighting a fire there, as one of the primary zombie outbreak sources are hospitals (more on this phenomena later).

* The fifth item is Doom 3; Doom 3 is an excellent zombie/demon killing simulation that will give the prospective Zombie Invadee (the term given to the sufferers of a Zombie Outbreak/Invasion) some much needed zombie killing experience. It is recommended that the simulation is run at midnight when there is no moon, with all the lights turned out, and the bass turned up full. Doom 3 can be acquired from your local Games store, (see Life Simulation) or from the endless pits of hell, located somewhere in the DMV.

* The Sixth item is a Storm Survival kit; a Storm Survival kit contains all the useful items that you will need to survive once the endless clouds of zombies have been destroyed. It includes such items as batteries, bandages, saws and, in the better kits, an intergalactic space ship capable of moving you, and the other survivors to a more hospitable and zombie-free planet. Storm Survival kits can be found at your local hardware store and crack den, caution when purchasing a kit from a supermarket, as supermarkets are known to attract zombies in large numbers. The Storm Survival kit can also be substituted by the Garden of Eden Creation Kit (G.E.C.K.).

* The Seventh item is Healing Magic; it is common knowledge that healing- or holy-based magic is very effective against all manner of Undead. The theory of how this works is as follows: When used on living tissue the Healing Magic causes the body to rapidly close any wounds and repair itself, in a similar manner to the way a body would normally heal itself. When Healing Magic is used on undead tissue though the effects are quite different as only the living have bodies capable of healing themselves the normal way, the undead or zombie cells become hyper-agitated and literally tear themselves apart, often giving the illusion of dance (see Disco Fever). Healing Magic can be found at almost any good church or place of holy worship. If you are unable to master the art of healing, then Holy Water, Potion, Hi-Potion and Phoenix Down, among others may be used as a substitute. These may be purchased at any Pharmasave or Lawtons.

[El Flaco]

I already knew that zombies existed but not this kind of zombie...

[.JESUS.]