9 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working (lol)

[Dro]

1. She stops feeding you
Because watching you starve is easier than breaking up with you. In a recent Stanford study, when given the choice between leaving a video game or starving, 7 out of 10 men chose the latter. The other 30% expressed regret at having lost their spot in the game and asked to choose again.

2. She stops bitching
Meaning she has stopped caring. Don’t worry, she is still bitching, just not at you. She has a new guy she is bitching at. Probably about you. Bonus points scored for suckering some other chump into taking the bullets for you.

3. She wants to “talk�
There has never been a recorded instance in the entire history of humankind that a “talk� with a woman has ended up anything but bad. In pirate speak, “It bodes ill for us all, Arrrr!� For some reason they never want to talk about sports or lesbian porn.

4. She shows up at three AM drunk, smelling like a foreigner
No matter what country you are from, all women like foreigners. Mix in some alcohol and an argument or two last week over the toilet seat or something equally as stupid and that spells doom for you. This is why all men have sex with as many women as possible when in a strange land; it is how we take our vengeance.

5. You come home from work to a house full of drunk strangers
Nothing in this world is more relaxing than coming home from work to find some puking teenager on your front lawn with a pair of your woman’s panties on his head belting out Rosie O’Donnell’s version of the star spangled banner at the top of his lungs. Somehow, you just know things are not going to get better as you travel farther into the house.

6. She has been spending a lot of time with her “cousin�
You know the guy she claims to have grown up with but has never so much as mentioned before a few weeks ago? That is not her cousin and they are laughing at you behind your back. In a situation like this ass whuppins should be dealt out liberally in all directions and tequila is a must.

7. She begins taking her calls outside
Far away from your prying ears. Some would say this is no reason to be suspicious. I agree. This is no reason to be suspicious; it is a reason to be absolutely sure someone else is buttering your ham steak. Go find some hookers and reciprocate the action.

8. You haven’t slept with her in two months but she is pregnant
If you are this guy, look forward to an embarrassing future trip to Judge Judy. Either the entire country will see what a bastard you are for not taking care of a kid that might belong to you or they see what a chump you are for spending tens of thousands of dollars on the illegitimate offspring of some construction worker before the cunt finally allowed a blood test five years later.

9. She assures you there is nothing wrong
There is always something wrong. Always. At any given time a woman who totally loves you and is not cheating can rattle off ten to fifteen things about you that bug the shit out of her. If one day she comes up empty, it is not because you have all of a sudden become the perfect guy.

[rebirth]

8. You haven’t slept with her in two months but she is pregnant


shit thats a number 1 sign haha

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by rebirth

8. You haven’t slept with her in two months but she is pregnant


shit thats a number 1 sign haha

Unless she's been pregnant for 3 months.

[rapper]

okay thankzz

[FunkDoc]

10. ur gay

[sigma45]

I mean I think that all those are pretty standard warning signs for any guy IE that list was unecessary

[DXavier23]

great list- propd u

[Ed Dakota]

funny shit