Need an Opinion

[9th Wonder]

I switched up the flow and went for some Dark Story Tellin type shit, can anyone give me some looks on it. What do ya'll think. Thanks

Moms Payin Up inside the bathroom/ To the Dealer in the back room/ She lack room/ Shes gettin forced against the wall/ The Light switch off, to her knees she falls/ They heard nothin but screams inside this buildin/ The vocals echoed from the floor to the ceilin/ Out the window, down a few stories/ While the corner men tell a few stories/ Her soul is Chopped Up like Demarcus Corley/ She needs to find her away while in the dark/ Away from this Ray Liotta like cat, thinkin shes a Narc/ She wants to stop, he wants to start/ Inside its tearin her kids apart/ What can they do to stop this, its keeps happenin/ Corey grabs the Mac Again/ "Ive had it again"/ He loads up mags as black as ink from the pen/ That I used to write this poem/ Tucks it insdie his dickies, walks all alone/ Up to the dudes apartment with a bone./ Cuz Coreys excited whats hes gona encounter/ Lay the mans brains out on the counter/ Count the shit up/ All the pieces he exposed/ To let his mother know, that he knows/ And Cares/ No more fuckin around with any of her hairs/ Desperate Times with Desperate Cares/

[SHYNE FAN]

That was hot. No bullshitting. I like how you tell the story. You should record that and put it over a beat.

[SHYNE FAN]

I like that Demarcus Corley line...lol. That was clever.

[9th Wonder]

Thanks bro.

[j_rose777]

good shit homie!!!!